Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
29 November 2004
Survival Skills
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Uncategorized.
An Israeli woman who commented to a posting on my blog two months ago said this:
“Part of education is to teach our children to function/survive within a group. Sometimes, more than reading, writing and ‘rithmetic, it’s the most important skill we can teach them.”
Maybe I’m reading too much into a few words, but the whole idea about ’survival’ snagged my attention. I can appreciate what she’s about, seeing she lives in Israel and belongs to a generation scarred by the Holocaust no less.
At the outbreak of World War 2, Hitler invaded Poland and subsequently stripped the Jewish community of their rights and dignity. 400,000 Jews were resettled in a 3.5 sq mile walled ghetto, previously occupied by 160,000 people. Within 2 years that number shrunk to 60,000 as starvation, illness, and executions took their toll.
As Hitler’s plans to gas the remaining Jews took effect, survivors finally found the courage to fight back. 28 days later, the rag-tag resistance was put down. Today the ghetto uprising in Warsaw is an inspiring story of heroism and sacrifice inscribed in the painful annals of man’s inhumanity to man.
Some historians wonder how a proud race of people could be so easily suppressed when they actually outnumbered their German guards in the ghetto. If death was already certain, why did they not resist and fight back? Yet the suppression of many by the few continues to be a sad reality even in our day.
I think of the time our own children were threatened by an unruly boy at the poolside when they brought their friend in for a swim. No rules were broken, but the bully didn’t like the looks of this ‘outsider’ and so they had to lie to save their own skin. Should they have stood up for their friend and defend their right? By walking away did they not encourage the bully to continue his aggressive ways?
The late author Mike Yaconelli told about the time when a group of adults and high-schoolers on a mission trip to build a church in Mexico were stopped by three tough-looking policemen. The heavily-armed policemen wanted to confiscate their borrowed truck which was loaded with supplies. All attempts at explaining merely agitated the policemen more and more.
Then a quick thinking teenager waved an official-looking document in the policemen’s faces declaring loudly that their truck was legally contracted for transport in Mexico. If they didn’t want trouble they would have to let the entourage go. The policemen relented, and everyone drove off. When Yaconelli asked how the teen pulled it off since the document clearly had no such clause, the young man coolly replied, “Yes, but they couldn’t read English.”
What do these stories tell us? They tell us that sometimes pat answers and homilies don’t always get us out of a tight spot. So I have been thinking, how do you teach your child about survival skills, or how to survive?
A good friend of mine told me that he has been raising his sons never to take ‘no’ for an answer. He said it’s to teach them negotiation skills. Say the kids have been told to finish reading three chapters before they can watch TV; Dad wants them to present their case, and perhaps argue for a compromise, like wrapping it up after one chapter instead.
Stand up to bullies. Lie if you really have to. Fight for your life. Negotiate and compromise. Don’t get pushed around. Survive. How do these ideas square with the Golden Rule, of loving God and loving your neighbour as yourself?
On the one hand, the Christian is commended to fear God and not men, to fear only Him who has power over our souls and not those who can destroy bodies. The Bible tells us that in a moral universe, some things are right and other things wrong. It also tells us that some things are worth standing up for, and if it comes to it, they’re worth dying for too.
On the other hand we are commanded to turn the other cheek, walk the second mile, bless our enemy. After all, at the center of our faith is a Saviour who suffered unjust accusations and finally laid down his life like a lamb led to the slaughter.
How do we actually teach these things in an increasingly hostile world? I mean, we adults don’t fare too well ourselves when faced with threatening situations and adversaries. How we need God to grant us wisdom to know what to do when the going gets rough – what battles to fight, when to stand, and when to walk away.
Of course, through it all and whatever the outcome, don’t forget that the day of accounting will come soon enough. Then all wrongs will ultimately be made right.
The idea of shipping our children off to a warehouse where they are
educated by strangers from a curriculum designed by politicians and
academic theorists is so strange and disconnected from the reality of
a child that we have to wonder how this could come to be a fact in our
society. Why would be want our children treated like this? Only by
being convinced that it is for their own good – or if we don’t happen
to agree, by being subject to fines and imprisonment if we don’t
comply – would we go along with this. After all, we allow ourselves to
be sent off, indeed we transport ourselves to be warehoused at work,
so we can imagine such a fate would be acceptable to our children.The world that we live in has this kind of fragmentation to it. We are
fragmented: our workplaces, our schools, our society. Yet, we must
find a way to raise a whole child, one who can meet the future fully,
without fear, with an intelligence that can understand and move in new
and challenging situations.Raising A Whole Child, Steven Harrison
www.LivingSchool.org
22 July 2003
Money talk
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Uncategorized.
When was the last time you talked about money with your kids? If the thought has never occurred to you, it’s time you think about it. Living in a land of plenty (compared to less advantaged Third World countries) sometimes confuses folks on the value of money.
A lot of kids – especially younger ones – get weird ideas about where the stuff comes from. Many more imagine it’s the ticket to happiness, judging from the vibes they feel at home. Our actions or responses to periods when cash is tight (irritable, anxious) or when we receive a too-good-to-be-true bonus (overjoyed, relieved) tell all. Although legitimate, that speaks volumes to impressionable children.
This is not to say that when money is being discussed we’ve got to put our halo on. Maybe play at being vulcan-like, ala Mr Spock, or stoic like the other Star Trek character, Data the android. Interestingly, in the 24th century (according to Star Trek lore), money is obsolete. As Capt Jean-Luc Picard tells us, humanity now works for a higher ideal, and service is its own reward. Hmm.
Whether we have much or little, money is God’s gift, for which we must remain thankful. Scripture’s many references to the rich and poor often focus on attitude of heart, not displays of generosity. To hold your gift with an open palm, to hope in God and never in wealth, is vital. But says Paul, the final word and the bottom line is contentment:
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength”. Philippians 4:11~13
That’s a hard lesson for any kid. Or adult.
21 May 2003
The Secret Lives of Mothers
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Uncategorized.
FIRST IT WAS ANDREA YATES. The troubled homeschool mom drowned all 5 of her children in a bathtub after a long struggle with postpartum depression. Now in what Newsweek magazine is calling “Yates Redux,” another homeschool mother is awaiting trial in Texas for killing her two young sons by crushing their heads and leaving the third with massive head injuries. The tragedy has shocked family and friends. Deana Laney, a seemingly demonstrative mom who was known to spend much time with her children says she killed her children “because God had told her to.”
The scene is too painful to imagine, and I get a knot in my stomach, a kind of dull ache in my head just thinking about it. What went wrong? Why?
In contrast, there is the story of Anne Ford, the daughter of automobile mogul Henry Ford II. In a recently published book titled, “Laughing Allegra” Ford, now 60, writes about raising her severely learning disabled daughter Allegra. One kindergarten after another had turned down the girl. When Allegra was 5 years old, a renowned pediatric psychologist advised that she be institutionalized in a home in London.
Confronted with a dilemma that wealth and privilege did not prepare her for, Ford wept uncontrollably for hours in a bathroom. As Ford says, “In the end, what good did (the money) do me?” When she calmed down, she simply said, “No,” to sending Allegra away and began a life journey that would change both daughter and mother. Today 31-year-old Allegra is an independent woman pursuing a career in early childhood education.
I do not pretend to understand what drives an apparently loving mother to kill her own children. In an imperfect world without fairy tale endings, who knows what dashes one mother’s hopes and drives another’s selflessness? Yet in the secret places of a mother’s heart, that which would break one mom makes another.
All of us who have ever experienced the love of mothers will appreciate how they gave up their dreams for those of their sons and daughters, not to mention their husbands. A journalist once asked my wife Sook Ching after listening to what she had to do to homeschool our sons: “So, what about your own life? Any regrets?”
An incredible weight already rests upon the shoulders of mothers who give up their lives for their families’ sakes. We dare not as husbands excuse ourselves as parents who have already done their part – bringing home the bacon, paying for dress and shelter – while leaving our wives to deal with our children all by themselves. As Dad and Mom, our children’s lives are in our hands. Sometimes literally, as the above stories illustrate.
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)
22 January 2003
Winning while Losing
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Homeschooling Achievers; Uncategorized.
Homeschoolers are making waves everywhere aren’t they? Take the story of Aussie twins Katherine and Edward Alpert for instance. They finished high school with a grade point average of 97% while their mates were just ditching their Pokemon cards. Now, at the ripe old age of 12, both twins are scoring distinctions in their Bachelor of Arts degree programme. Parents Felicity and Garry are obviously proud of their kids’ achievements and admit to working long and hard to nurture their academic prowess.
Wait, there’s more. The highly motivated twins are also into cricket, and competing in an upcoming song and dance contest. And as homeschooling prodigy Katherine herself says, “Yes, there’s nothing that I think I can’t do.”
That’s the sort of thing that gets my goat: homeschooling achievers oozing self-confidence by the truckloads.
All these fantastic stories do something to you, don’t they? Sure, there’s a vicarious thrill reading them, and you relish the fact that yes, one day your kids are going to show ‘em too. Because they are homeschoolers, and because that’s what homeschoolers regularly do: they make the headlines (for the right reasons).
That’s when you wake up with a rude thud as posterior meets terra firma. So, why aren’t our kids in the news? They don’t spell right, they don’t get their sums correct, they have problems getting out of bed before 10 a.m. In the meantime, Mum’s tearing her hair out nagging them to quit horsing around and get some work done. Compared to Katherine or Edward’s brilliance, our kids might as well be chewing on pacifiers. Good on you, Felicity and Garry! Now, if only you could look our way and do something for our boys.
One of the hardest lessons about homeschooling is coming to terms with limitations ~ ours, and our kids. Some parents after reading about the amazing feats of super moms and dads (and their super-achieving brood) find their convictions skewered by a deepening sense of incompetence. Others, after another frustrating school day, ask if they have lost the plot or missed a vital formula in the Secrets to Successful Homeschooling.
Let’s face it: homeschooling families come in all shapes and sizes, wrapped mostly in a bundle of nerves. Although redeemed and born again, many parents remain as John Cheever puts it, “ransomed to their beginnings” and it shows. We go through life, with God’s help, undoing the knotty baggage of our past piece-by-piece, one day at a time. It’s as Paul declared when he wrote, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on…toward the goal…” (Phi 3:12). Coming from a man who earlier shared about his weakness being perfected in God’s strength, his is a fitting word for a kiasu world obsessed with Number One.
Two months ago, our son Elliot had a brush with humiliating defeat. Having done extremely well in the preliminary round of a Spelling Bee organised by a leading retailer in KL we thought the tantalizing prize of a computer was certainly within his grasp. But 5 minutes into the finals a week after, in front of an audience of anxious parents and journalists, he slipped up horribly on the first word, and was immediately out of the game. Our resident Scrabble and Boggles champ made his way back to his seat holding back tears. Later when asked what he had learnt from that debacle, he attributed his loss to jitters and “over-confidence.”
Then came the family’s failure to make it to the summit of Mt Kinabalu at the end of last year. All gung-ho and raring to go, we were laid low one after the other by altitude sickness in the wee hours of the chilly morning and had to turn back.
Soon after, while sipping hot tea and nursing a bruised ego in the 11,000 ft rest house at Laban Rata, I noticed our boys were in uncommonly good cheer. “Look at it this way Dad,” said Ethan, “we made it this far and it is no mean achievement, you know.” Well, that’s a positive way of looking at failure.
We are not all winners; not many of us will have great exploits to boast. Our children, bless them, may not be Katherines and Edwards. But by God’s grace, we are always more than what we began with.
By David BC Tan
Jan 22, 2003
4 May 2001
Divine economics
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Uncategorized.
Prime Minister Datuk Seri Dr Mahathir recently unveiled the 8th Malaysia Plan: 2001 – 2000, which incidentally addresses targets set out in the Third Outline Perspective Plan or OPP3 (2001-2010). It’s a broad template spelling out macroeconomic strategies with all the requisite catchphrases and statistics to assure Malaysians that the ship’s afloat, the captain’s on board, that we know where we’re going. Looking at the development thrusts, one can’t help but detect an indignant clatter not unlike that of an engine revved alive on a cold day. It’s an unenviable task; someone’s got to do the job, but enough about my old car…
My attention was particularly drawn to the part about education, which in the New Straits Times was ominously headlined “More Jobs Will Be Created: Education system to be responsive to needs of industries.”“to unite the people” and that a total revamp was pretty much due. Now I get goose bumps when I hear announcements like this, but it’s probably just me. That’s not unusual as governments the world over are known to view education as some kind of utilitarian apparatus plugging human resource needs. Earlier in the same month, newspapers front-paged the PM’s lament that the education system had failed
Meanwhile, as if to drive the message home, newspapers highlighted two shocking acts of violence in our schools on the heels of that report: In the first case, a teen was stabbed during a school assembly, in front of teachers and students who were too stunned to react. In the second, another teen who was literally hammered on the head, landed in hospital with a broken skull.
Clearly the state of education in the country is way beyond “I-told-you-so,” the service and sacrifice of dedicated school teachers notwithstanding. Who’s to blame? Is the pit it has descended one we dug for ourselves? A revamp is undoubtedly urgent, but schools can only do so much. That’s why I believe homeschool makes more sense.
Nevertheless, if school reform is all about shuffling human resource more efficiently into the marketplace, I’m afraid that’s selling our children short. It seems to me when cultivation of virtue is sacrificed at the altar of economic or political expedience, there is hell to pay. So, why do parents still insist on measuring their children’s worth (and their own) according to the nuts and bolts of our materialistic culture?
I remember in a conversation not long ago when Sook Ching mentioned in jest that our son Elliot’s interest in insects could well lead to a career in entomology. Better to be a geneticist, a leader helpfully advised; entomologists don’t make money. The world we live in may increasingly resemble an impersonal technopolis or a gigantic machine, but it does not follow that we should become cogs in the wheel. Sure, competition is tough and society scoffs at losers.
Thankfully people count for more in God’s divine economy, and I’m glad He’s the one keeping score.
“But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work.” 1 Corinthians 3:10~13
20 September 2000
The man who has everything
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Uncategorized.
I was in the bookstore the other day when I caught sight of this bold headline on a magazine cover. Football fans know the famous English striker who’s as much a celebrity as his wife ex-Spice girl, Victoria. As audacious as the claim may be, there’s no denying that the footballer is worth millions, enjoys the adoration of hordes worldwide, parties with the Queen Mother and royalty, has a beautiful wife, and even a statue with his likeness in a Buddhist temple in Thailand.
While some of us may wonder from time to time what it would be like to be rich and famous, I suspect David Beckham’s worldly wealth and fame will elude not a few of us. As I flipped through the magazine, it occurred to me that having ‘everything’ means different things to different folks. I mean having one’s statue in a Buddhist temple may not be everyone’s idea of having it all, although it’s probably alright to have one’s name inscribed on a plaque as a donor to the church building fund. But I digress.
What I am trying to say is, we all have wishes and wants, of if you prefer, “needs.” Tom Jones is my uncle if I didn’t admit I have them too. You know, respectable stuff like a comfortable home, a car in the porch, a gung-ho church, healthy family, successful career, the respect of your peers, straight A’s kids (who are oozing with talents too) and oh, a comfortable nest-egg put away for the sunset years etc.
There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with all the above you understand, until you define precisely what they mean in real terms. Remember Jesus’ encounter with the devil in the wilderness? The view from the pinnacle of the temple must have been grand, but He wasn’t fooled. You see, Jesus knew what He was about and where He was going. As a homeschooler who’s known to lose sight of the fundamentals now and then, I’m reminded that it pays to take a look at the big picture. Always.
The first thing I’ve learned is, you can’t have everything.
Or rather, nobody gets all they want. And it’s not for want of money either; as they say, money can’t buy you everything. From King Solomon to the Sultan of Brunei, there’s always some things that evade possession (Solomon had thousands of concubines and wives – do you ever wonder what he was looking for?). Tragically, contentment is a lesson that is often learnt too late.
For instance, you can’t have two masters – you are only allowed one choice, God or mammon; Jesus is either Lord of all, or not at all. You can’t have God’s acceptance while holding out for the world’s approval. If you want godly kids, you’ll have to close the door to worldly influence. Sure, it’s easier said than done, but who says anything worth having comes easy anyway?
This leads to my second lesson, that is, everything has a price.
It has a lot to do with price tags of course, but most of all, it has to do with a trade-off. David Beckham for instance may grin like the King of the Hill, but he moans the loss of privacy. Fancy being trailed by the paparazzi, fans rummaging your trash for clues to your night-cap.
Back in the home, families are at odds because life seems to ask so much of every individual it’s unclear what question merits greater attention. Mum’s in a quandary – she’s not sure if her personal fulfillment or her children matters more, or if she could pursue both. Well, she’s got to find herself too hasn’t she? Dad on the other hand toils hard and long, and wishes if earning a living weren’t easier. But what about the club membership? Junior knows he’s got to go to school if he wants to go places, but no one told him about lugging around a 2-ton bag and catching the bus at 5.30 a.m.!
Building a personal empire has a price; so does building a deeper relationship with spouse or child, and most of al, with God. Traditional schooling may give a child convenient access to “education” but it comes packaged with a whole load of homework, stress and over-emphasis on exams. The trade-off to my mind is the taking away of a big chunk of what’s important. Like, the unhurried pace of growing up, the joy of learning, quality family time, or the cultivation of spiritual values. If you think homeschool is too demanding, what do you make of Jesus’ words to the rich young ruler to “sell everything you have…and come follow me?”
The issue at the end of the day is not that everything has a price, but what we’re willing to pay. The story of King David and Araunah comes to mind: Araunah was happy to let David have a piece of land for free so he could build an altar. Conscience stricken, David replied that he could not offer sacrifices to God that costs nothing (2 Samuel 24). Economics, it is said, is making choices among scarce resources. The Kingdom of God however narrows it down to two: things that draw us nearer to God, and things that keep us away from Him. Mmm decisions, decisions.
On that note we end.
As you can see, only one thing really matters.
The Psalmist’s one desire above all was to dwell in the presence of the Lord. What of Paul who considered all things “a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus”? And Martha? She may have had good intentions, but her fussing and fretting led Jesus to commend Mary for choosing the better thing.
So little time, and so many seemingly important things to take care of. How shall we choose? For Joshua, the choice was clear: “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” With eternity in the balance, that makes more sense than everything else the world offers. Including all that David Beckham possesses.