Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category
3 May 2010
Rethinking teenage rebellion
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Parenting.
WE HAVE ALL DONE STUPID THINGS AS TEENAGERS, some downright foolhardy, others out of sheer defiance. But I doubt anyone would recommend this phase of socialization as a necessary rite of passage. Sure it’s ‘part of growing up’ as they say. A lot of us got away unscathed, perhaps with nothing but a slap on the wrist or an afternoon in detention class to show for it. The recklessness of youth may elicit a hoot when adults get misty-eyed and wax nostalgic.
But 14-year old Aminulrasyid Amzah won’t have such good ol’ days to reminisce over.
In the early hours of Monday 29 April, the teenager was shot dead by the police after he ignored orders to stop the car he was driving. Nearly 20 shots were fired, said a news report, and one hit Aminulrasyid in the head killing him instantly.
The family is devastated. Yes, the boy had sneaked out in his sister’s car and he did not have a driving license. He was not only underage, he was out on the streets way past bed time for an early teen. There is no question that the boy had broken the law, but nothing he did demanded the police to shoot to kill.
Yet while the controversy rages, some questions are inevitable: what was a 14-year old doing driving a car so late in the night? Was this the first time, and did family members know how the teen spent his time, and with whom? By all accounts, (see here and here) Aminulrasyid was a decent kid, a good student, and a victim of a fatal midnight escapade.
Once again it takes a tragedy to remind us there’s nothing easy in raising children. Even the most attentive parents among us stumble. Every so often kids who were angels at 5 become unruly monsters at 15, catching Mom and Dad unawares. What went wrong, some of us might ask? Is it the company a teenager keeps, or is it all chemical – a combustible mix of adolescent emotions and hormones? Could it be the parents’ fault, or is it the child’s? Is teenage rebellion the result of parents who were absent or too liberal? Or is it a reaction to strict and overbearing ones? The answer could well be none of the above, or a cocktail of all of the above.
I’ve been reading Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman’s NurtureShock: New Thinking about Children. In the chapter titled the Science of Teen Rebellion, they point out that the myth of the rebellious teen years is simply that – a myth. A 2006 research estimates that actual rebellion against parents occurs only between 5-15% of the time, while the ‘raging hormones’ tag – surprise, surprise! – finds no support at all.
But here’s something else to chew over.
The authors quote Dr Nancy Darling who researched teenage rebellion and defiance in the States, Philippines, Italy, and Chile. Darling said: “Kids who go wild and get into trouble mostly have parents who don’t set rules or standards. Their parents are loving and accepting no matter what the kids do. But the kids take the lack of rules as a sign their parents don’t actually care – that their parent doesn’t really want this job of being the parent.”
There is of course a drive for autonomy during adolescence – as any parent would tell you – and therefore the tussle over authority. Yet Darling’s scholarship revealed that early adolescents want more control over their lives than late adolescents. Objection to parental authority is slightly stronger at 11 than 18, and that it actually peaks around 14 to 15.
What about nosey parents who hover over their kids with obsessive intrusion and ring the home with a bunch of rules? Well, apparently their kids aren’t rebelling. Instead they’re largely obedient. And depressed.
“Ironically, the type of parents who are actually most consistent in enforcing rules are the same parents who are most warm and have the most conversations with their kids,” Darling reported. This means parents enforce a few set rules over certain key life’s spheres, and they’ve explained why the need for them. The child understands the need to obey, and she is allowed a measure of autonomy to make her own decisions in other spheres.
Research showed that the kids of these parents lied the least, and even if they did, they hid fewer areas than those from permissive homes.
If this comes as a bit of a surprise, it’s not too late to review your parenting style. Well-behaved parents have a better chance at nurturing well-behaved kids! Indeed, parenting is all about positive influence and reinforcement of things that matter in life. May I suggest majoring on the interior stuff – things of eternal value – and not the externals? Minor on appearances, and for your kid’s sanity (and your own) don’t sweat keeping up with your neighbours. Work on relationships, and not just rules. You get that right, and everything else falls into place.
2 October 2009
Are working moms happier?
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Parenting.
“The mother loves her child most divinely,
not when she surrounds him with comfort and anticipates his wants,
but when she resolutely holds him to the highest standards
and is content with nothing less than his best.” ~ Hamilton Wright
Should moms stay home, or go out to work?
Hmm. Way back in the days of old, it was a given for mothers to stay at home and raise kids. Who else to raise the kids if women left home? A hundred years ago education for girls was not as widespread and accessible as it is today, and there were fewer jobs for women. Some say those were less complex times, an innocent age, when it was possible to talk about finding fulfilment in living one’s life for one’s children.
Today it is almost inconceivable that women, especially well-educated ones, think about nursing children instead of advancing careers. For better or worse, life goes on. For those who juggle career and children, the competing demands of both must weigh heavy on their minds. Interestingly, a new US study says “working mothers don’t have enough time in the day and feel guiltier than stay-at-home mums, but they’re just as happy.”
Four out of every 10 say they always feel rushed, compared with a quarter of the other two groups, according to data collected by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, with 62 percent of working mothers saying they would prefer to work part-time.
Only 37 percent of working mothers would prefer to work full-time compared to 79 percent of working fathers saying they would prefer full-time work.
“But despite these pressures and conflicts, working moms, overall, are as likely as at-home moms and working dads to say they’re happy with their lives,” the researchers said in a statement.
They found 36 percent of working mothers were very happy with their lives — the same as at-home mothers — while single mothers with children aged under 18 were the least happy group.
Stay-at-home mothers rated their parenting skills more highly than their working peers, with 43 percent giving themselves a score of 9 or 10 on the job they are doing as parents. Only 33 percent of working mothers rated themselves a 9 or 10.
Read the rest here.
In a provocative new book defending stay-at-home moms titled Home-Alone America: The Hidden Toll of Day Care, Wonder Drugs, and Other Parent Substitutes, Mary Eberstadt of the Hoover Institution believes the future of our children lies with at home moms. According to her, the reasons we’re seeing more problems in today’s youths can be traced to absentee moms and dads. A review of Eberstadt’s book quotes: “Divorce and dual income, dual income and divorce,” she writes. “The refrain hums like a mantra through the literature” of dysfunctional youth.
The review goes on to say:
Eberstadt is very effective in making her case that as “more and more children have spent considerably less time in the company of their parents… the fundamental measures of their well being” have scandalously declined. For example, in the first anecdote in the book’s first chapter — about day care, which children now attend while still in their diapers — she sympathetically describes a sick toddler, who should be home in bed, spending all day at a daycare center plaintively calling for his mommy. Child-care workers report that parents who are unable or unwilling to miss a day at work often dose such youngsters with Tylenol to bring down their fevers before dropping them off at day care. Eberstadt also describes angry two- and three-year-olds who act out their aggression, and wonders about the mental state of “babies and toddlers who take up biting as a habit.”
Provocative reading for sure. You can take a look at the whole review here.
1 September 2009
Little victories, big encouragement
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: FAQ; Parenting.
[DT: Homeschool may not always be the first choice for families. Fear and anxiety are common. In this final post – the fifth in a series that began on 18 August – a homeschooling mother shares her own tentative feelings and the little victories that made her journey worthwhile.]
THIS FATHER’S POST REMINDED ME a lot of the feelings I had when we first decided to
homeschool two of our five children. I prayed and cried, wondering if I was
doing the right thing, not sure if I wanted to take on the difficult task of
working with my two boys, wondering if I would be stunting their future. In
their case, the school was unable and unwilling to work with us to meet their
needs. All we wanted to do was hold them back a grade (they are twins), but the
school was inflexible.
Now 4 months later, I felt it was the best decision we made, especially
for them. Yes it is hard, and it is not convenient. But one of the boys who
never showed any desire to read or write now cares that words are spelled
correctly – a small thing but a huge victory to us, showing that he is learning to
be interested in language. Once the desire is there, the other elements will
fall into place.
The boys no longer cry when I correct their mistakes. If I told
them their answer was not correct either verbally or in their schoolwork, they
use to emotionally fall apart and say I was calling them stupid. It broke my
heart for them to think that.
It has been a hard road building back their self esteem, and we are not through
yet. But these little victories, the changes in attitude and for them to regain
their eagerness to learn and be curious is worth every rough moment we have had.
Our original plans had been to incorporate them back into their former school
after 1-2 years but I wonder if they would lose more than they would gain. It is
in God’s hands and I trust that we will know what to do when the time is right.
My thanks to all of you as I have read your comments and I too gained hope and encouragement from them.
Sincerely,
Juli
25 August 2009
Family on the move, and baby on the way
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: FAQ; Parenting.
“There will be a lot of adjustments when the baby comes….how will we cope?”
[DT: When a father wrote to express fears homeschooling 2 children with a third on the way, many moms sent in encouragement for him to continue and not give up. This post which is #4 in a series that began on 18 August, comes from a mom who's got more than baby on her mind, but is happily homeschooling all the same!]
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS on your wife’s pregnancy! I’m presently pregnant with my 3rd child who’s due in mid December (I’m about 21 weeks along). I have 2 boys – Ian, 5+ and Pio, 2+. We’re homeschooling the Charlotte Mason way.
I understand your concerns about homeschooling, as we’re going through some big changes ourselves. We’re moving to Hanoi, Vietnam, next Saturday, and will remain there for 1 year as my husband has an assignment there. With all the packing and organizing and planning, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed … and I sometimes get ahead of myself and tend to get anxious and worried about things, especially about homeschooling.
Early next year, there’ll be a whole lot of CHANGES in our family and lifestyle – new environment & home, new baby and new ‘school’ year for Ian, who will be 6 yrs, like your eldest son. We’ve never had a hired domestic helper (well, I have 3 non-hired ones actually — my 2 boys and my husband haha!), and do not plan to have any in the future. I believe that EDUCATION is MUCH more than just the academics – a child must learn the basics of life, especially on how to take care of himself and others, and these are best learned at home, through every day routines and house chores, etc.
I agree with the other homeschoolers who have replied your email – a child can LEARN anytime, anywhere, anyhow – and everything is an opportunity for learning. Even though I know that our homeschool next year will NOT be a typical ‘school year’, I am sure that my children will get the best out of everything.
Having said that, once all the packing and organizing were done, I seized the opportunity to plan out our Year 1 (Gr 1 for age 6-7). I’ve gathered all the books and materials that we need for each subject and came up with a schedule system that is flexible enough to be modified easily. That way, when baby is born, I can fully concentrate on breastfeeding (which, by the way, makes life so much easier for everyone, especially mommy! not to mention that it is the best food for baby) WHILE homeschooling the 6-year-old. The 3-yr-old tags along in our homeschool lessons (which are done as informally as possible for children of these young ages) if he wants to — If he doesn’t, I have ‘activity boxes’ (Duplos, playdoh, art supplies, etc) to keep him occupied while I do a lesson with his older brother.
You must keep in mind that homeschooling is NOT “school at home” It is actually EDUCATING the child in the HEART OF THE HOME, in the domestic church, which is the FAMILY. The best part of homeschooling is that we can make it as flexible as we want it to be, all the while, enjoying each other’s presence and building strong bonds and relationships within the family. It’s always the toughest during the beginning phase, but it will soon become second nature. I am inspired by many homeschooling families overseas who have 7-10 children and no helpers, and they’re having the time of their lives homeschooling! The support that I’ve gotten from these veteran homeschoolers have really kept me going, especially when there’re any uncertainty or self-doubt.
If you like, I would be more than happy to share with you our lesson plan outline for our 6-yr-old next year, and the schedule planners and templates which you and your wife can modify easily for your own usage. I kept our schedule very light next year, as the main priority is to spend time together as a family with new baby. As “light” as it is, I do not believe that our homeschool schedule will “shortchange” my son in any way, as it is very rich and full of life. That’s another great thing about homeschooling – we can focus on what we believe is important and limit those that we believe are not!
I just want to affirm you in your decision to homeschool your children – it is a decision that you will not regret! Despite all the challenges and a new learning curve, you, your wife and your children will be having the most wonderful time of your lives!
GOD BLESS!
Dominique
21 August 2009
Very pregnant. And still homeschooling.
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: FAQ; Parenting.
“Help! We’ve got 2 kids, and my wife’s pregnant. Should we just quit homeschooling?”
[DT: It's not uncommon for homeschooling dads to get nervous when baby's on the way. In her reply to this anxious dad, a mother of 4 shares what she believes is the heart of homeschool and what her family did when she was expecting. This encouraging testimony is #3 in a series of responses that I began posting on 18 August]
I ALSO GRAPPLE with personal insecurities every now and then. During such times I do lose sight of God’s purpose for me, but as I watch my children grow, and reflect, I’ve so much to thank God for 
I’ve 4 kids (ages 11, 10, 6 and 1+) so I know the needs are real and can be overwhelming. Although homeschooling has not been always easy, it is not impossible either. My husband and I planted a new church last year, and my youngest was born in the same year. Busy is an understatement. I’ve no word to describe it, but God was our strength and his grace was sufficient.
With every pregnancy and birth in the family (two of my kids were premature babes) my children continued learning. Each time, learning took on a different form but the process still went on! Nevertheless, one lesson stood out every time: SERVICE ABOVE SELF. No matter their age, I’ve observed my children have learnt to be selfless and serve the new baby and their mum with love and respect. Along the way, they have become more independent conquering new tasks.
Last year, my girls began a project on “babies” during my pregnancy. Then during my confinement month, they did intense research all by themselves – books, internet, discussing issues with adults – to come up with a lapbook each. They kept adding more information as they went along and finally on their baby brother’s 1st birthday this year they presented their project to him and all of us in the family.
The girls’ lapbooks had a song they composed while baby was still in the tummy, stories they wrote, a slideshow of baby’s milestones, interesting facts on reproduction, breastfeeding, babywearing, and puberty. They also put up posters and mini-display booths on nutrition, cloth diapers and sarong-slings, etc for viewing. That was something for my father-in-law who remains very skeptical about homeschool even after all these years! None of my kids went to public school, and to think that they did the lapbooks all by themselves as a gift for their l’il brother.
When the girls were younger (under 6), we just read a lot, played a lot, and we talked a lot about whatever was happening around us (we still do all that). As you can see, learning is not confined to textbooks and workbooks alone. If we duplicate the school system at home, we miss the true essence of homeschool. It will really be good for you and your spouse to really understand its essence and KNOW your motivation behind your decision to homeschool.
Seek God daily to keep your focus and purpose, as well as creativity and opportunity to enhance the learning process. God is so ready to give. We have never lacked resources (we don’t even buy a curriculum) and strength. Did I say strength? Oh, how we all need it, but not our own but God’s divine provision upon whom we depend totally.
You will be in my prayers
Selina
19 August 2009
Homeschooling when baby makes 4
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: FAQ; Parenting.
[DT: What happens to homeschool when baby arrives? Time to hunker down or throw in the towel? This mom of 4 tells how she worked things out without giving homeschool up. This is post #2 in a series - see previous post - of wonderful testimonies taken from our HOMEFRONTIER forum]
I HAVE BEEN HOMESCHOOLING MY KIDS FOR 3 YEARS. I too panicked when I heard that I was pregnant with number 4. I wondered how I would cope with a 2yo who thinks he is Wolverine, a 4yo who still needs help in the toilet, and a 10yo reaching puberty (aiyoyo!). I could barely keep awake from sleepless nights, breastfeeding, and recovering from all that needed doing, but things did eventually work out!
Here’s what I did before baby was born:
1. Put kids in age-appropriate playgroups
I noticed my kids could play and form better friendships with others their age. Since there was none near my home and I didn’t have a car to zoom around, I formed 2 playgroups at home: one for my 11yo and another for my 3 and 5yo. When the kids came over they got to play and I got to take a breather. My 5yo found his best friend this way and now they are inseparable.
2. Lessen emphasis on academics
Workbooks and all that can wait. Having a new baby is a wonderful opportunity to introduce your kids to biology at work. I took my kids to the O&G clinic, they saw me get an ultrasound and take a blood test, and listened as my doctor interpreted the scan. They examined my growing tummy, and later after baby was delivered they prodded my deflated stomach, and watched as I breastfed the baby. Along the way the kids asked questions and that’s how learning took place.
3. Lessen my own workload
I formed a cooperative learning group. My 11yo learnt the violin at her friend’s house and took lessons from another 11-year old on Thursdays. That’s where she picked up badminton as well and now she’s keen for more training. Once a month she joined a study group in the home of another friend whose dad would teach whatever was the flavour of the month. This month her friend’s dad will be taking them all to the museum to learn about the Emergency (a pet topic of this dad).
Also, the parents that I have met through HOMEFRONTIER and MALHEN have been enormously supportive and my kids have benefited greatly from socializing with other families.
Hope this helps.
Yuling
18 August 2009
Giving up homeschool
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: FAQ; Parenting.
Your wife has her hands full with two children under 6 years, and now she’s pregnant with the third child. You think to yourself: perhaps homeschool isn’t such a good idea after all. You don’t think she can cope; you’re not even sure if you can cope either. Now you’re thinking about calling the whole thing off and send the kids to a school or a learning center….
[DT: The scenario is real. After sharing his honest feelings on our HOMEFRONTIER forum, a father receives testimony after testimony from moms who think homeschool is too good to give up on. They were so encouraging I decided to edit excerpts from among the several to share. Here's the first.]
CONGRATULATIONS on your wife’s pregnancy. With 2 boys and one more on the way, I can understand your skepticism – they can be quite a handful! Though my homeschooling journey hasn’t been that far along, I was compelled to reply when I read your post: “Thinking of giving up homeschooling…?”
For me homeschooling has never been a concept or method, but a lifestyle. It isn’t ‘school-at-home’ but an opportunity to involve myself with my children (d-10 and s-5 years) and facilitate their learning in every avenue of their lives. It is me growing with my kids and learning with them, and from them.
I work from home and I too don’t have a domestic helper. It seemed hard at first trying to fit everything in a ‘set schedule’ but finally I gave up trying. We can never fit life into a set schedule. While my daughter has a slightly more defined ‘learning path‘, my son’s learning revolves more around his life and my own. So when I’m working, he tries to read some of my stuff, or plays in the same room where I’m ironing. I play games together with him, and in the evenings we take walks in the park. The fact is, children learn all the time and it doesn’t necessarily happen at the kitchen table when ‘school is in session’.
With a new baby in the home, there’s plenty of learning opportunities i.e. from the feeding pattern of a baby, your children learn about time; if your baby is breastfed, they could learn about nutrition and how breast milk promotes health; and if baby is bottle-fed, they learn measurements (how much powder to how much water in baby’s bottle). There are also learning opportunities in bathing the baby and her nap times in which you would have unconsciously incorporated science, math, personal hygiene, daily life-skills, and more.
This is just a tiny example of what you can do in your homeschooling life, and the possibilities are endless. The internet is also an infinite resource for research into all the things you can do as you homeschool through this period of your life. I do hope you and your wife can see homeschooling in a different light and reconsider. Your children will thank you for it.
All the best,
Sweeyen
17 June 2009
The feminist mother-educator
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Parenting.
I first came across this post about feminism and homeschool at childofnarnia‘s blog. I was piqued because when my wife gave up her career, there were mumblings about ‘wasting your education’ and all that. What interested me was the revelation that there was some sort of feminist backlash at women who decided to abandon their career – highly educated ones at that – to stay home and educate their own children.
These mother-educators are giving up good-paying jobs to homeschool and nurture their kids. You know, in an age where women no longer have to be chained to the kitchen sink, more and more are deserting hard-earned gains in gender equality to embrace a pre-Women’s Lib (as it was called then) male dominated social order. Shocking! But as the writer Wendy McElroy argues, what women are abandoning is the singular agenda of feminist self-interest in favour of choice – in this case, finding fulfilment as a mother raising and homeschooling her own children. So is there a tension or contradiction between feminism and traditional values, or is homeschool a step backwards for women? Read on, and you decide.
Homeschooling constitutes a revolution in education. But it is also one of the most significant trends to affect women and families in decades, especially since it is led by mother-educators. Homeschooling is part of a social shift by which women are moving back toward traditional family values, not because they have to but because they want to do so.
Analysis of homeschooling has focused on the children—and properly so—but the relationship of mother-educators to feminism deserves investigation in its own right. Homeschooling is a trend that mainstream feminism is resisting because the teaching at-home mom threatens many of the values it espouses, including financial independence.
The tension between homeschooling and feminism arises not from feminism per se, but from the politically correct version that has dominated the movement for over a decade. PC feminism regards the traditional family as a training ground for patriarchy—that is, for the white male culture that oppresses women.
Fortunately, other schools of feminism view staying at home as simply one more choice that a self-respecting, intelligent woman can make or reject, depending on her goals in life. Individualist feminism is one example. For this school of feminism, freedom means having every peaceful choice possible and taking personal responsibility for all your actions. In this framework, one woman’s decision to stay at home is not politically better or worse than another woman’s choice to become a CEO. Both are personal matters. Both express the core of true feminism: choice.
Read the rest here. (Warning – really long post)
16 June 2009
The parent as teacher
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Parenting; Teaching.
My own understanding as an educator and homeschool parent is eclectic at best, and may come across as poorly conceived to some. Homeschooling is so much a DIY project I don’t think anyone has the last word. In any case, I do hope my experience will give impetus to your own homeschooling journey and help you do better as a parent-teacher.
When I last wrote that teaching a child at home required ‘different skills’ I may have inadvertently implied the application of formal pedagogical models and textbook procedures at home. My apologies. That’s furthest from my mind (although I admit I am sold on Freire’s ideas that teaching is about lighting a fire, not filling a bucket, nor comparable to banking). ‘Skill‘ may not be the right word to use, but since it describes a facility, a way of doing things, it’s not inappropriate to see it as an ability that can be learned or improved – meaning, parents can only get better the more they work at it.
Anyway, first things first. Not long after our family decided on homeschool, I realized I had to unlearn all my presuppositions about teaching and schooling. There were many! The reason is, our ideas about teaching (and learning) are invariably drawn from our days in school.
School, I’m sorry to say, is generally about coercion and conformity, and often completely out of step with what’s going on in the head or heart of a student. The rules, the performance trap, fragmented syllabus, political agenda, etc. Schools are an experiment in social engineering, and classroom teaching has a way of becoming nothing but crowd control. Unfortunately it’s this invisible curriculum that socializes and conditions our minds and informs the way we think our own children ought to be taught.
Of course beyond form and structure, we’re just as influenced by our teachers good and bad – the ones who tormented (in my case, an Encik Ismail) and those who inspired (Ms Pillai who taught literature and planted subversive political ideas into our innocent heads). Isn’t it also interesting that we remember our teachers more than the schoolbooks that we were spoon-fed from?
I’m sure our schoolteachers were people with good intentions, and the ones who inspired may have been great models. Yet when school’s out for the day, teacher didn’t have to come home and live with us.
What I am trying to say is, the homeschool teacher is first and last a parent. As children learn what they live, so parents teach by the lives they lead. If you are a homeschooling mom or dad, know that the line that separates educator from parent does not exist. If at all it’s there, it’s a mere crease. “But don’t you feel trapped? You don’t have your own space if you’re with your children all day,” a journalist once asked. My wife Sook Ching replied, “ Why should a mother feel this way when she’s spending time with the children she loves?”
This is really the first great lesson about being a parent-teacher. You’re not going to cut it if you view your kids as a life sentence. Love bears all things; our children are a wonderful gift from God, and we’ve got as much to learn from them as they have much to learn from us. Once you get this part right, the rest is easy.
29 November 2005
The Lessons Fathers Teach
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Parenting.
As long as a father lives responsibly, work hard, put food on the table, make time for church, he is deemed to have done his part. He hopes however that his diligence, work ethic, and commitment to provide and protect will impress his children to do right in the future.
Yet if fathers hope to raise children who live God-honouring lives,they will need to do more than impress their children. To do that a father has to intentionally and purposefully direct, instruct, and mentor his children (Eph 6:14), in ways that say who his Lord is and where his heart is set. Exercising this kind of influence is what spiritual leadership is about.
At some point every child must be helped to recognize that Jesus is Lord of all or He’s not Lord at all, and that living like Jesus is right and worthwhile. There is nothing easy in such an enterprise, but ready or not, our children are already taking their cues from our life and attitudes. When our 13-year old Elliot told me his dad was supposed to represent the kind of man he hopes to be one day, I think my heart skipped a beat. Of all the things unsaid about fatherhood, the one that we avoid is that which begs the question: how would you like your child to mirror the person you are today?
I find the notion rather unsettling because children in particular are better at doing what we habitually do instead of what we usually tell them to do (i.e., “do what I say, not what I do”). They consciously or unconsciously pick up cues from our lifestyle and attribute significance to our choices, and just as surely take after our indifference – neglect that the early church fathers rightly call ‘sins of omission.’
The Bible assumes leadership of fathers at home and assigns responsibilities that cover body and soul. Fathers who homeschool because they want to do right by their children will have to think hard about the shape of their leadership, because fathers lead – even when they aren’t leading. Children live what they learn. Sometimes the lessons they learn are the ones we fail to teach.
By David BC Tan