17 April 2010

No apologies for childhood

Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: One From The Archives.

[Issues of child development and early childhood education continue to garner great interest, least of all to homeschoolers.  In November 2002 I wrote this piece after attending a workshop on Theology of the Child (organised by Baptist Theological Seminary), and hosting a homeschool dialogue, both held on the island of Penang. It's reproduced here as part of our occasional postings from the Homefrontier archives].

WE HAD JUST FINISHED INTRODUCING OURSELVES when a gentleman at the end of the table asked, “Your sons are both ‘normal.’ So why are you homeschooling?”

We get that quite a bit, usually from parents who assume that only ‘special’ kids need home education. At our dialogue on homeschooling held in Penang, a good number of the 12 adults present were parents of children with learning differences or disabilities.

I tried to explain that while homeschooling is probably one of the best things you could do for children with learning disabilities, it works just as well with any child. Perhaps even better. That’s because homeschool recognises that every child is special, each requiring individual attention that is so critical to learning. In a secure home where love abounds, habits of heart and mind find fertile ground to flower.

When we first started to educate Ethan and Elliot – turning 13 and 11 respectively – at home all these years ago, our primary concern then was the state of the education system. The horror stories were universal. Not knowing any other options, many of our friends and relations ushered their children through a wretched rite of passage, setting aside their better judgment while keeping their fingers crossed at the same time. Could there be another way, we asked?

Thankfully we were introduced to homeschooling, and to quote Robert Frost, taking the less traveled road has made all the difference.

7 years later, we’re more a family now than we could ever imagine. We have reclaimed childhood for our children, and I am happy to report that they are both imbued with a lively curiosity and love for learning. They’re no angels of course, but there is a depth of character that we find encouraging. Besides simply fulfilling our adult roles as teacher, we are humbled by what our children have to teach us as well.

All this came home afresh to me as we sat through a workshop on Theology of the Child held in the Baptist Theological Seminary in Batu Ferringhi, Penang. The 2-day dialogue preceded our homeschooling meet during that long festive weekend and thus provided new insights that confirmed personal convictions. While children and childhood are nettlesome to many parents, I saw how the Bible itself was unapologetic in their affirmation.

For instance, after making a study of situations featuring children in the gospels, Dr W.A Strange in his book Children in the Early Church contends that, “The coming of the kingdom of God did not make children into adults, but affirmed their childhood.” Instead, they were held up as models for discipleship, he writes. Dr Strange also notes that “Jesus’ openness to children was for their own sake, not principally for their potential, and it was something unique to his ministry.” Now, there’s food for thought.

As participating theologians, teachers, pastors and care providers talked about the marginalisation of children, we questioned how the church – of all institutions! – continue to erect structures that put kids in their places without considering the negative signals they convey. The separation of children from adults (and their parents) in a worship service is one example, although there have been positive changes in recent times.

We also looked at how society (usually with the connivance of parents) view children as mere commodity to achieve personal ends. Is it any wonder so many fall through the cracks, sapped of all vitality and purpose? They join the ranks of the disillusioned who cannot reconcile belief with practice. Worse still, these same children grow up learning that ‘face’ matters more than faith.

On the other hand, there’s Jesus of whom Luke 2:52 declares, grew “in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and men.” When one looks at the broader context that includes v39, it is quite apparent those qualities were not birthed in the barrenness of good intentions.

Three parties were intimately linked here: Firstly, that Joseph and Mary did “everything required by the Law” provides a significant clue. I’d like to believe Jesus’ parents exemplified a lifetime of daily obedience beyond superficial rites that began with the dedication of their firstborn. To borrow Eugene Peterson’s phrase, the first task of parenting involves ‘a long obedience in the same direction.’

Secondly, it is the Lord who through his grace and mercy ultimately gives growth. After all, it is the Spirit’s business we are told, to work transformation “with ever increasing glory” in His people (2 Corinthians 3:18). Finally and not surprisingly, the child whose heart is thus prepared grows strong, “filled with wisdom and grace.”

So, am I saying that homeschool is the magic bullet? Of course not. A dynamic tripartite relationship between God-Parent-Child is what counts most of all. But if you are seeking a better way to realize these important goals than that which conventional educational systems offer, you might want to give homeschool some thought, and educate your own children at home .

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28 December 2009

Another look at Winning

Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Homeschooling Achievers; One From The Archives.

Now that you’ve put the Christmas rush behind you, here’s One From The Archives to help you with priorities for the new homeschooling year. I first wrote this piece titled ‘Winning While Losing’ back in 2003 (!) and looking at it right now, it’s a timely reminder that’s worth  another read.

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HOMESCHOOLERS ARE MAKING WAVES EVERYWHERE AREN’T THEY? Take the story of Aussie twins Katherine and Edward Alpert for instance. They finished high school with a grade point average of 97% while their mates were just ditching their Pokemon cards. Now, at the ripe old age of 12, both twins are scoring distinctions in their Bachelor of Arts degree programme. Parents Felicity and Garry are obviously proud of their kids’ achievements and admit to working long and hard to nurture their academic prowess.

Wait, there’s more. The highly motivated twins are also into cricket, and competing in an upcoming song and dance contest. And as homeschooling prodigy Katherine herself says, “Yes, there’s nothing that I think I can’t do.”

That’s the sort of thing that gets my goat: homeschooling achievers oozing self-confidence by the truckloads.

All these fantastic stories do something to you, don’t they? Sure, there’s a vicarious thrill reading them, and you relish the fact that yes, one day your kids are going to show ‘em too. Because they are homeschoolers, and because that’s what homeschoolers regularly do: they make the headlines (for the right reasons).

That’s when you wake up with a rude thud as posterior meets terra firma. So, why aren’t our kids in the news? They don’t spell right, they don’t get their sums correct, they have problems getting out of bed before 10 a.m. In the meantime, Mum’s tearing her hair out nagging them to quit horsing around and get some work done. Compared to Katherine or Edward’s brilliance, our kids might as well be chewing on pacifiers. Good on you, Felicity and Garry! Now, if only you could look our way and do something for our boys.

One of the hardest lessons about homeschooling is coming to terms with limitations ~ ours, and our kids. Some parents after reading about the amazing feats of super moms and dads (and their super-achieving brood) find their convictions skewered by a deepening sense of incompetence. Others, after another frustrating school day, ask if they have lost the plot or missed a vital formula in the Secrets to Successful Homeschooling.

Let’s face it: homeschooling families come in all shapes and sizes, wrapped mostly in a bundle of nerves. Although redeemed and born again, many parents remain as John Cheever puts it, “ransomed to their beginnings” and it shows. We go through life, with God’s help, undoing the knotty baggage of our past piece-by-piece, one day at a time. It’s as Paul declared when he wrote, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on…toward the goal…” (Phi 3:12). Coming from a man who earlier shared about his weakness being perfected in God’s strength, his is a fitting word for a kiasu world obsessed with Number One.

Two months ago, our son Elliot had a brush with humiliating defeat. Having done extremely well in the preliminary round of a Spelling Bee organised by a leading retailer in KL we thought the tantalizing prize of a computer was certainly within his grasp. But 5 minutes into the finals a week after, in front of an audience of anxious parents and journalists, he slipped up horribly on the first word, and was immediately out of the game. Our resident Scrabble and Boggles champ made his way back to his seat holding back tears. Later when asked what he had learnt from that debacle, he attributed his loss to jitters and “over-confidence.”

Then came the family’s failure to make it to the summit of Mt Kinabalu at the end of last year. All gung-ho and raring to go, we were laid low one after the other by altitude sickness in the wee hours of the chilly morning and had to turn back.

Soon after, while sipping hot tea and nursing a bruised ego at the Laban Rata rest house 11,000 ft above sea level, I noticed our boys were in uncommonly good cheer. “Look at it this way Dad,” said Ethan, “we made it this far and it is no mean achievement, you know.” Well, that’s a positive way of looking at failure.

We are not all winners; not many of us will have great exploits to boast. Our children, bless them, may not be Katherines and Edwards. But by God’s grace, we are always more than what we began with.

By David BC Tan
Jan 22, 2003

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