The parent as teacher

Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Parenting; Teaching on 16 Jun 2009.

My own understanding as an educator and homeschool parent is eclectic at best, and may come across as poorly conceived to some. Homeschooling is so much a DIY project I don’t think anyone has the last word. In any case, I do hope my experience will give impetus to your own homeschooling journey and help you do better as a parent-teacher.

When I last wrote that teaching a child at home required ‘different skills’ I may have inadvertently implied the application of formal pedagogical models and textbook procedures at home. My apologies. That’s furthest from my mind (although I admit I am sold on Freire’s ideas that teaching is about lighting a fire, not filling a bucket, nor comparable to banking). ‘Skill‘ may not be the right word to use, but since it describes a facility, a way of doing things, it’s not inappropriate to see it as an ability that can be learned or improved – meaning, parents can only get better the more they work at it.

Anyway, first things first. Not long after our family decided on homeschool, I realized I had to unlearn all my presuppositions about teaching and schooling. There were many! The reason is, our ideas about teaching (and learning) are invariably drawn from our days in school.

School, I’m sorry to say, is generally about coercion and conformity, and often completely out of step with what’s going on in the head or heart of a student. The rules, the performance trap, fragmented syllabus, political agenda, etc. Schools are an experiment in social engineering, and classroom teaching has a way of becoming nothing but crowd control. Unfortunately it’s this invisible curriculum that socializes and conditions our minds and informs the way we think our own children ought to be taught.

Of course beyond form and structure, we’re just as influenced by our teachers good and bad – the ones who tormented (in my case, an Encik Ismail) and those who inspired (Ms Pillai who taught literature and planted subversive political ideas into our innocent heads). Isn’t it also interesting that we remember our teachers more than the schoolbooks that we were spoon-fed from?

I’m sure our schoolteachers were people with good intentions, and the ones who inspired may have been great models. Yet when school’s out for the day, teacher didn’t have to come home and live with us.

What I am trying to say is, the homeschool teacher is first and last a parent. As children learn what they live, so parents teach by the lives they lead. If you are a homeschooling mom or dad, know that the line that separates educator from parent does not exist. If at all it’s there, it’s a mere crease. “But don’t you feel trapped? You don’t have your own space if you’re with your children all day,” a journalist once asked. My wife Sook Ching replied, “ Why should a mother feel this way when she’s spending time with the children she loves?”

This is really the first great lesson about being a parent-teacher. You’re not going to cut it if you view your kids as a life sentence. Love bears all things; our children are a wonderful gift from God, and we’ve got as much to learn from them as they have much to learn from us. Once you get this part right, the rest is easy.

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