28 December 2009
Another look at Winning
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Homeschooling Achievers; One From The Archives .
Now that you’ve put the Christmas rush behind you, here’s One From The Archives to help you with priorities for the new homeschooling year. I first wrote this piece titled ‘Winning While Losing’ back in 2003 (!) and looking at it right now, it’s a timely reminder that’s worth another read.
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HOMESCHOOLERS ARE MAKING WAVES EVERYWHERE AREN’T THEY? Take the story of Aussie twins Katherine and Edward Alpert for instance. They finished high school with a grade point average of 97% while their mates were just ditching their Pokemon cards. Now, at the ripe old age of 12, both twins are scoring distinctions in their Bachelor of Arts degree programme. Parents Felicity and Garry are obviously proud of their kids’ achievements and admit to working long and hard to nurture their academic prowess.
Wait, there’s more. The highly motivated twins are also into cricket, and competing in an upcoming song and dance contest. And as homeschooling prodigy Katherine herself says, “Yes, there’s nothing that I think I can’t do.”
That’s the sort of thing that gets my goat: homeschooling achievers oozing self-confidence by the truckloads.
All these fantastic stories do something to you, don’t they? Sure, there’s a vicarious thrill reading them, and you relish the fact that yes, one day your kids are going to show ‘em too. Because they are homeschoolers, and because that’s what homeschoolers regularly do: they make the headlines (for the right reasons).
That’s when you wake up with a rude thud as posterior meets terra firma. So, why aren’t our kids in the news? They don’t spell right, they don’t get their sums correct, they have problems getting out of bed before 10 a.m. In the meantime, Mum’s tearing her hair out nagging them to quit horsing around and get some work done. Compared to Katherine or Edward’s brilliance, our kids might as well be chewing on pacifiers. Good on you, Felicity and Garry! Now, if only you could look our way and do something for our boys.
One of the hardest lessons about homeschooling is coming to terms with limitations ~ ours, and our kids. Some parents after reading about the amazing feats of super moms and dads (and their super-achieving brood) find their convictions skewered by a deepening sense of incompetence. Others, after another frustrating school day, ask if they have lost the plot or missed a vital formula in the Secrets to Successful Homeschooling.
Let’s face it: homeschooling families come in all shapes and sizes, wrapped mostly in a bundle of nerves. Although redeemed and born again, many parents remain as John Cheever puts it, “ransomed to their beginnings” and it shows. We go through life, with God’s help, undoing the knotty baggage of our past piece-by-piece, one day at a time. It’s as Paul declared when he wrote, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on…toward the goal…” (Phi 3:12). Coming from a man who earlier shared about his weakness being perfected in God’s strength, his is a fitting word for a kiasu world obsessed with Number One.
Two months ago, our son Elliot had a brush with humiliating defeat. Having done extremely well in the preliminary round of a Spelling Bee organised by a leading retailer in KL we thought the tantalizing prize of a computer was certainly within his grasp. But 5 minutes into the finals a week after, in front of an audience of anxious parents and journalists, he slipped up horribly on the first word, and was immediately out of the game. Our resident Scrabble and Boggles champ made his way back to his seat holding back tears. Later when asked what he had learnt from that debacle, he attributed his loss to jitters and “over-confidence.”
Then came the family’s failure to make it to the summit of Mt Kinabalu at the end of last year. All gung-ho and raring to go, we were laid low one after the other by altitude sickness in the wee hours of the chilly morning and had to turn back.
Soon after, while sipping hot tea and nursing a bruised ego at the Laban Rata rest house 11,000 ft above sea level, I noticed our boys were in uncommonly good cheer. “Look at it this way Dad,” said Ethan, “we made it this far and it is no mean achievement, you know.” Well, that’s a positive way of looking at failure.
We are not all winners; not many of us will have great exploits to boast. Our children, bless them, may not be Katherines and Edwards. But by God’s grace, we are always more than what we began with.
By David BC Tan
Jan 22, 2003
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3 Comments so far...
Azlea Says:
28 December 2009 at 8:43 pm.
what a lovely entry!! thanks for sharing. I think, parents in general are perpetually plagued with doubts and fears. For homeschooling parents who take on their children’s education as their responsibility it’s worse! Esp since we can’t rely on things like report cards or anything like that. Which is why it’s important to remind ourselves of what you wrote here.
Thanks once again and keep the entries coming. I’ve especially enjoyed your ‘Just For Laughs’ entries. They’re really amusing.
Thulsi Says:
30 December 2009 at 10:50 am.
Hi David,
This particular article was most certainly a timely reminder at least for me. I had completed a third of the homeschooling curriculum when Dec decended upon us all thus giving my children a break. Having both sides of the family over for the Christmas holidays, which included 6 school teachers, the ever present question of where my 6 year old son was going to school next year raised many an eyebrow and sidelong looks of wonder. The idea that I was homeschooling my children was debated hotly with of course the merits of schooling reigning supreme. But as the days went by, they were tickled with the questions my children posed, their vocabulary, their lingering knowledge of the more interesting science facts and finally half heartedly acknowledged that homeschooling can’t be a bad thing after all 
In fact 2 of them even wanted to know all about homeschooling and wondered aloud if they should give it a try. Praises be to God Almighty who gave me the courage to want to try.
Blessings for a wondrous New Year to all!
Thulsi
Juli Cole Says:
5 January 2010 at 9:53 pm.
I have finally some time to catch up on my emails and was so grateful to read your article. It is always good to hear from someone real and realistic, a solid voice of reason to chase away all the hype and doubts that linger despite my best intentions. We have had a break and now are beginning a new term of homeschooling, and at the beginning of each term, I feel these same doubts of my ability to teach my boys what they need to be learning and fears that I or they are not doing a good enough job. I give them exams at the end of each term. One part is so that they stay in practice in sitting an exam, and secondly it is for me to gauge what they are retaining. And always, I keep hoping for the “superchild” I see in them to come through and completely blow the exams away, thus proving not only they can do it but to prove to all their teachers and previous headmistress who told me I can’t teach them when I withdrew them from their last school, that I can. And they perform just how they are – no miracle children, just my own boys with their very own set of weaknesses and strengths. The one who is good at math does better on the math exam, and the other does better in the reading/writing section. And I am still just who I am, a mother doing the best with the talents and skills God gave me to help my boys be happy and to learn to do the best with what God has given them.
Thank you so much for sharing your talents with all of us and helping us to feel better encouraged from your experiences – the conquests as well as the failures. God bless you in this new year – Juli Cole