The Lessons Fathers Teach
Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Parenting on 29 Nov 2005.
As long as a father lives responsibly, work hard, put food on the table, make time for church, he is deemed to have done his part. He hopes however that his diligence, work ethic, and commitment to provide and protect will impress his children to do right in the future.
Yet if fathers hope to raise children who live God-honouring lives,they will need to do more than impress their children. To do that a father has to intentionally and purposefully direct, instruct, and mentor his children (Eph 6:14), in ways that say who his Lord is and where his heart is set. Exercising this kind of influence is what spiritual leadership is about.
At some point every child must be helped to recognize that Jesus is Lord of all or He’s not Lord at all, and that living like Jesus is right and worthwhile. There is nothing easy in such an enterprise, but ready or not, our children are already taking their cues from our life and attitudes. When our 13-year old Elliot told me his dad was supposed to represent the kind of man he hopes to be one day, I think my heart skipped a beat. Of all the things unsaid about fatherhood, the one that we avoid is that which begs the question: how would you like your child to mirror the person you are today?
I find the notion rather unsettling because children in particular are better at doing what we habitually do instead of what we usually tell them to do (i.e., “do what I say, not what I do”). They consciously or unconsciously pick up cues from our lifestyle and attribute significance to our choices, and just as surely take after our indifference – neglect that the early church fathers rightly call ‘sins of omission.’
The Bible assumes leadership of fathers at home and assigns responsibilities that cover body and soul. Fathers who homeschool because they want to do right by their children will have to think hard about the shape of their leadership, because fathers lead – even when they aren’t leading. Children live what they learn. Sometimes the lessons they learn are the ones we fail to teach.
By David BC Tan
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