28 January 2005

Letting God be God

Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Uncategorized.

Anyone starting out on a journey from A to B wants to know what’s in it for him or her, what to bring, what to expect. We want a map, some assurance from those who have gone ahead. After all is said, it’s easy to forget there’s only so much one can do or anticipate. In fact, the longer I homeschool, the more I realize how much lies outside my control. That’s not comforting to hear in our “take charge” society, but it’s exactly why it has to be said.

Take the growth stages of our children. I am just learning how to change and adapt my teaching and parenting styles as our children grow and adjust to changes in their bodies. What works with a child of 5 is not the same when he is 15. Just because we were fifteen once does not make us an expert. Then, as a girl or boy reaches the age of majority, the dynamics of parent-child relationship enters yet another phase.

Something happens in a child’s development from dependence to independence and before long, you realize how quickly your influence is diminishing before your eyes. Whether you have done a good job is not the issue. You learn - perhaps painfully - that a child’s self-awareness and spiritual awakening are matters beyond your schedule and direction.

The components of physical, emotional, and intellectual growth in children may be tied in part to genetic disposition and social conditioning, but our kids are individuals who alone must chart the course of their future. You can point the way but you can’t walk down that road on your children’s behalf.

I was reminded of this as I tried to make sense of the killer tsunami that wiped out almost 200,000 lives and displaced hundreds of thousands more. The heart-wrenching scenes of destruction in the papers and on our screens spelled this out to me: our lives are not ultimately in our hands.

The same applies to parenting and homeschooling. Things do go awry as good intentions sometimes do, and you’re overcome by a tsunami of conflicting emotions: is it my failure as parent, or is it the curriculum? Did not God promise me His favour, or did I not pray enough?

We may have been caught by surprise, but not our sovereign God. Indeed, all life is really in His hands. That includes our children. Like everything else we do, our heavenly Father asks only that we do the best we can “as to the Lord,” and He will take care of the rest. Someone once said that trusting God is like driving at night – you see just as far as your headlights, but it’s enough to take you to your destination.

That’s a good thing to remember as we homeschool this year. It’s also the easy part. The hard part is letting go of our need for control, letting go of our children, and letting God have His way with our family and us. Yet in letting God be sovereign, are we not placing ourselves in hands far, far, more able than our own?

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom;you are exalted as head over all. 1 Chron 29:11 (NIV)

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10 January 2005

Homeschool negatives

Posted by DAVID BC TAN under: Uncategorized.

2 couples visited to chat about homeschool Saturday night. Mr & Mrs J are wringing their hands in exasperation at the state of public schools (wife works with a publisher of Malaysian textbooks) and are pretty much sold on homeschooling their 5-year old son. We showed them our boys’ old scrapbooks and journals and encouraged them to take it easy and not rush into formal learning. We pulled out books and catalogues, and explained how to purchase curriculum off the Net, and as always, ended up talking about the legality of homeschool. They were an enthusiastic couple and both husband and wife talked about how exciting it would be to be learning and growing together.

Mr & Mrs Y (they have 3 kids) who rang the doorbell as the first couple was leaving was a picture of contrast. Y wasn’t happy that his wife wanted to homeschool and he expressed his indignation and skepticism throughout the evening. He understood his wife’s concerns, said Y, and that was why he agreed to talk to homeschoolers (evidence of an open mind, he added). Y admitted he did not have any idea what homeschooling was about, and concepts about schooling and education were largely defined by his personal experiences in public school. Both had views that were opposed to each other, but Mrs Y had gone on ahead to order homeschool books for their preschoolers, which to her husband was tantamount to open defiance.

I thought they were very honest in airing their differences to someone whom they had just met, and both Sook Ching and I told them they had to work things out together before homeschooling their kids. Here was a practical man who wanted answers to all his questions, including, “How much time do I really have to spend with my children?” and “What do I have to expect 5 years from now, or 10 years later?” Not an involved father to start with as it became apparent, but legitimate questions nonetheless. Seeing none of us at home was a crystal ball gazer, I’m not sure if we were entirely helpful. We also shared about the importance of conversations as one aspect of informal learning at home – we always have lots of things to talk about each time we sit down together, in the car, at meals, etc. Y turned to our 15-year old son Ethan and asked, besides “talking,” how much time does his Dad spend “teaching” him? Ethan gave him his typically lazy, quizzical look and said, “Well, talking is teaching too.” Don’t know if that meant anything to Y!

Anyway, what intrigued me most about the two couples was something both men asked. They’ve heard all these nice things about homeschool, but what about failures and dropouts? Aren’t there any? On balance, are there ‘negatives’ they should know about? Y reported that a church leader warned of a family whose teen had had a nervous breakdown shortly after homeschooling.

It always strikes me as utterly bizarre that all the violence and obvious breakdown in conventional schools never give detractors of homeschooling cause for pause. Apparently it’s alright when they happen in a conventional school, because these ‘negatives’ don’t make anyone say, “Careful, you don’t wanna send your children to zoos like these.” But talk about homeschooling, and someone goes, “Say, wasn’t that Yates woman who drowned her five kids a homeschooler?”

Now where do you think that came from?

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